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Spike Springer – Episode 1 By Spike Shepard ID #846030

Good morning and welcome to the first episode of Spike Springer. Today we’ll be meeting Jim (I think it’s an alias) who wrote in and asked..’ Dear Spike, my piloting level is over 40 levels higher than most of my opponents but I just can’t beat them!’ Hmmmm, well let’s meet the man of the hour …. Here’s Jim! (Applause)

Jim) Good Morning Spike
Spike) Good Morning Jim. Welcome to the program. So, can you tell me a little more about your problem?
Jim) Well it’s like this … I’m part of a well known clan and recently we had a faction war. The problems started there. I just couldn’t beat so many pilots that final day! I tried and I tried, but in the end, I had to hide behind my 40 ton formation like a little girl. It was embarrassing!
Spike) That’s a toughie Jim. High level pilots are beaten every day by lower level pilots, it’s part of the course.
Jim) But it wasn’t just that Spike. I mean, I sort of brought this on myself a bit because I made a comment, jokingly of course, which seems to have been taken the wrong way.
Spike) Ah, (to his producer Kenneth) do we have the…? (Gets handed some papers) Thank you! Ah, right, I can see! You said that everyone was afraid of ‘insert clan name here’ Hmmm, did you realize that you were in a faction this war?
Jim) For a minute my mouth got the better of me and engaged itself before my brain did.
Spike) I can see that, so what happened next?
Jim) Then it all went out of control, I got called out by one particular pilot who I promptly attacked and lost to
Spike) I saw the replay of the attack, it wasn’t just that you were beaten soundly, it’s the fact that you turned tail and ran while crying into your radio.
Jim) But I went back and attacked him again after he pointed out that my clan carry me!
Spike) If you’re looking at the screen you can see a battle in the top corner… Hmmm, it looks like this pilot returned the favor first and left your base a smoldering heap of metal. If you look closely you can all see Jim crying in the cockpit of his mech.
Jim) But I attacked him again!
Spike) And you lost again. Turning tail and running with what was left of your mechs after you were beaten to within an inch of embarrassment Jim) But I’m a legendary pilot and he’s not! I’m 40 levels higher! My clan always wins gold!
Spike) Well Jim, it seems your issue is that you think your better than everyone else because your legendary status and gold medal winning clan have given you an inflated sense of importance and boosted your ego.
Jim) My DNA test will tell you how great I am!
Spike) Thanks for the spoiler Jim! So, you’ve now all worked out that Jim here had his DNA taken a few days ago and in this folder (gets handed a folder by his producer Kenneth) we have the results. We’ve charted Jim’s DNA back thousands of years and also looked for specific ‘legend’ genes. (Opens envelope)
(Spike reading off the papers) So, Mark …Sorry Jim, the results are in and they say that you….are not legendary!
(Gasps from the audience)
Jim) But it says so on my profile! They even gave me a nickname!
Spike) Well I’m sorry Jim, but our tests are run by Novum’s top scientists and are 99.99% accurate
Jim) So there’s a 0.001% chance I could be legendary?
Spike) (sighs) Yes, Jim, but there is that 99.99% chance that you suck! Well, that’s all we have for today’s program.

Please tune into your Galaxy Gathering TV channel next week for our second episode where our guest pilot asks ‘I’ve won six king of the mountain gold’s! Why aren’t I legendary? Thanks for watching!

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